Easier to Find a Husband

Ten months, I have been advertising, networking, and praying for a renter. I’m not asking for a lot—someone intelligent, clean, honest, close to my age, that likes my dog, doesn’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend spending the night, no kids spending the weekends, someone quiet, won’t destroy my house, that will pay the rent, doesn’t mind parking on the driveway, and I won’t kill after a month. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently, yes.

I’ve hired a roommate finder agency, posted ads at churches and senior centers. No luck. Most of the time, I read the room/share wanted ads on Craigslist.org.

The read is like this:

“…man in his late 40's looking for a place. I am neat and clean. I want no drama or bring any. I can do work for exchange for rent. I am honest, hard working, healthy, six-foot tall, looking for place…”

Picture two beautiful women with pouty smiles looking at the camera with the following caption, “We need to find a place ASAP, myself and my fifteen-year-old daughter…We are quiet, (you probably won’t know we’re there most of the time). I just need a safe environment …”

There are the traders—will do housework, yard work, or companionship. The 420 friendly grass smokers, cigarette smokers, and yes, 215 friendly pot growers, they do advertise. A couple who are or want to be foster parents for four rescue dogs while renting a home, “prefer tile floors for obvious reasons.” A young man looks for a place to crash for free for a few months. The sad ads: eighteen-year-old brother and sister leaving mom and dad to hang out and “get away from a hostile home.” “Single mom with three kids. Can’t afford motel. Need two rooms.”

I know that everyone needs a home and I pray everyone finds their match, but some of the ads were scary. One man wanted rent a room to bring his “young daughter” there once every two weeks or so. He would not live at the rental just show up with a young girl. I tried to make that into an innocent request but there has been too much on the news about abducted girls.

The suitable listings are rare and involve some kind of compromise. It is not like the college days where four of my friends made do in a two bedroom flat. It is interesting to be in the same situation at the autumn of my life as I was in the spring. My four bedroom home costs me money—taxes, utilities, and upkeep. With a renter, the house would be a self-sustaining asset.

I’ll keep looking for a renter or find Poindexter a job. Does anyone need a part-time squirrel chaser?