Momma

Friend #1 lost her beautiful mother to breast cancer triggered by a leaky silicon breast implant. Her mom was under forty and my friend about twenty. At age eight, friend #2 watched in agony as her momma physically abused the four daughters and drank her way to an early grave. Friend #3 visits parents who are drug addled and live hidden from the government in the middle of a desert. My cousins witnessed the Alzheimer’s disease erase the personality of their mother—a sweet and gentle parent—and yesterday it took her life.

What the survivors have in common is the open ache from the loss of momma. My octogenarian mother still bemoans the loss of daily conversations with her mom who died in 1962 at the age of fifty. Of my many friends and family who have outlived their parents, all speak of the emptiness that forms when that parent is gone.  It doesn’t seem to matter of if the parent-child relationship was cantankerous, loving, hateful, harmful, abusive, playful, miserable, wonderful, joyous, divine, or non-existent. Everyone misses something about that person and the special tie that is mother.

My much-younger husband buried both his parents and yet my parents remain healthy and active—Dad on a ranch in Missouri and Mom in a Californian townhouse. I love them both.

They drive me crazy—especially Mom whom I reach out and touch on a daily basis. It is said that the reason your mom can push all your buttons is because she installed them. No one can drive you around the bend quicker than the people that created you. Friend #1 loves to have me verbally trash my mom. She says it makes her feel as if her mom was still around bugging her. It is that extremely personal pat on the heart that we miss when the loved one is gone.

I don’t know how my cousins feel today as they plan the final services for their mother. I pray they get through the pain.

We have all suffered loss of someone. As we age, we know there will be more death. We need to find time to reach out to each other and share what made our momma special in our life. Even in the most negative of circumstances, a memory of joy exists that we can hold and share and fill up a bit of the emptiness.

God bless all.

AKA Moose 1964-2011

On June 13th 2011, Paul Anthony Michael Fernandez, AKA Moose, age 46, passed away peacefully at home with his wife at his bedside. Paul was born in Saratoga, California to Constantino P. Fernandez and Ann Dwyer Fernandez who have both predeceased him.
He is survived by his wife Pamela Pimental of Sacramento, his sister Ann Fernandez Swan & brother-in-law Phil Swan of Sacramento, his brother Daniel Fernandez & brother-in-law Angel Fernandez of Seattle, WA, his uncle John Dwyer, aunt Corrine Lee, and their two children—his cousins—Katie & Michael Dwyer of San Francisco, his beloved god-daughters, Brandy DiNatale and Ashley Ramos of Fremont, his mother-in-law, Phyllis Eymann of Sacramento, his Staten Island cousins Jinnie Ericksen and Janet Brown, his Cerritos cousins, Patricia & Don Erlandson, and his step-mother Mary Fernandez of Campbell.
He graduated Saratoga High School in 1982 having been a member of the 1980 Central Coast Football Champions where he proudly wore jersey #65. He was a student at De Anza College and became a CAD draftsman after attending DeVry Technical Institute. He went on to work with a Los Gatos architect, and then to work in transportation engineering for Wilbur Smith & Associates, San Jose, Oakland, San Francisco, and then as the information systems manager for Mazzetti Nash Lipsey Burch Architects of San Francisco. Most knew him as a computer geek, a sci-fi and space junkie, who loved all things electronic.
Paul and Pam eloped to Lake Tahoe after twelve years of courtship and remained a loving couple and best friends for twenty-nine years. They were members of Good Shepherd Church of Fremont where Paul served on the budget committee, volunteered as tech support, photographer, and occasional barbecue chef. After their move to Sacramento, they became members of the Lutheran Church of the Ascension in Citrus Heights.
Paul's deep love of history led him to learn fencing and the use of a musket. Paul and his good friend Spyros Stamos (now deceased) served as volunteers in the National Civil War Association. They attended events all over Northern California, often serving as docents at Civil War historical sites and appeared as extras in eight Civil War documentaries including Gettysburg, Civil War Battlefields-Manassas and Antietam, which were filmed on location.
Paul will be remembered by all as a low-key gentleman, deeply philosophical, with an intense love of friends and family. Fiercely loyal, he cheered the San Francisco Giants but loved the San Jose Sharks, attending many games with his father, Connie. His passion included quarterly Uno games with his life-long buddies—Michael Brinkmann, Trent Balalis, Craig Citko, and Spyros Stamos.
He considered the most important moment of his life to be able to walk—six months after his below-the-knee amputation—his god-daughter Brandy DeLara down the aisle at her 2009 wedding to Vlad DiNatale.
Memorial service will be held 1:00 P.M. on Saturday June 25th at Good Shepherd South Asian Ministry, 4211 Carol Ave. Fremont, CA. 94538.

There will also be a wake with an informal service at the Sacramento home of Paul and Pam—Casa de Fernandez on Sunday June 26th at 3:00PM to 5:00PM.
Additional information is available by contacting pamferd@gmail.com.