Troubles

Thank you, Louis C.K.  Posted on Comedy Central Standup http://www.cc.com/video-clips/s1c41g/stand-up-louis-ck--uncensored---white-people-problems. The comedian said, “...We have white people problems in America.  You know what that is? That is your life is amazing so you make shit up to be upset about. People in other countries have real problems. Like, “Oh shit their cutting off all of our heads today.”

There’s an old sermon I remember…

A minister takes his congregation on retreat. They are gathered during the afternoon around the cold rock circle that held the previous night’s bonfire. He placed a large basket in the center while helpers passed out 3x5 cards and pencils.

“I would like each of you to write down your troubles, your worries, and your problems on the card. Write down the burdens that you most want God to take away.”

A few of the members laughed. One shouted, “I need more cards.” More people laughed.

The pastor smiled and said, “Do the best you can with what you have.” He folded his hands in front of him and waited. Soon the forest became quiet with only the birds and squirrels to chatter in the trees. Eventually, his flock raised their faces from the cards and looked at him—an indication that they had completed their task.

“Now fold the card in half to conceal the contents and throw it into the basket. A few people handed their problems off to someone else to discard. Others carried their burdens on their own. At last, all the cards had been dropped in the basket.

“Heavenly Father,” he started to pray and lifted his hands toward the sky. “Bless everyone here today. We all have burdens. We have forgotten that how to handle the challenges in our lives. We demonstrate our love for you to others as we deal with our problems. Help us to pray for your guidance on this road called life. Amen.”  He put down his hands.

“Now I would like each of you to go to the basket and pull out a card. Whatever is written on that card will be your burden in life. Choose wisely.” He stepped away from the circle.

His congregation sat for a few moments. They talked amongst themselves. One or two asked for the instructions to be repeated, which the minister did. One stood, then another, soon the crowd rushed toward the basket. Each grabbed a card looked briefly as to the content or handwriting then cast it aside and went for another. Within a few minutes, everyone had found his or hers own card and clutched it tight within their hands.

When everyone had settled the teacher said, “It is not an unbearable burden if it is yours. You are not equipped to live someone else’s life. Ask God to help you through this moment in time.” The minister pulled the last card from the basket, lit it with a match and returned it to the container. “I give up my burdens to God.”

One by one his people threw away their problems into the smoke and prayed.

GOD

I have managed to get myself into the uncomfortable position of having to explain my belief in a supreme being—God. Given that all but a small minority of Christians, despite the press releases, are not forthcoming on the subject. As verbose as I am perceived, I tend to be fairly quiet about God. Choosing to speak at length of the failings of Congress or the problem with highway patrolmen who text and drive, instead of any real discussion of something substantial like what I truly believe. 

My past includes stints as a bible-thumping-door-to-door witnessing Baptist, a confused agnostic, an angry atheist, a momentary Buddhist, and finally growing into maturity as so-so Lutheran. I have been college educated as a dollar-chasing capitalist in several fine colleges. No formal training in theology or philosophy or the human condition ever presented itself. I have read the Bible from cover to cover a few times—King James, New International Version, English Standard Version, and God’s Word.  One should keep up with the times.  My Grandfather Heck would have been ashamed of my appalling lack of knowledge of  the Scriptures.

Having set down two paragraphs of disclaimers, here is my belief in God.

1.      HONEY. Honey does not spoil. It is everywhere. Bees make it. Humans eat it. Aristotle recorded in 322 A.D. the antiseptic and antibacterial properties of the golden liquid. It heals wounds and settles baby’s tummy. If the honey crystallizes over time, setting it in the sun will return it to its natural state. The cast-off of honey is beeswax. A beeswax candle burns smoke-free and naturally bright light of the same light spectrum as the sun. A single candlelight can be seen by a human a mile away. The wax and honey are biodegradable, renewable, and environmentally friendly.  Honey was here on earth for us to find, to keep us healthy, fed, and safe. Follow the bears. Let there be light.

2.      MILK. Yes, I know all mammals have milk, even the platypus duck. However, the clever humans made leather skeins filled them with milk to transport and discovered…not spoiled milk…okay sometimes…but curds, whey, butter, soft cheese. Food created without effort. A gift that stores for months.

3.      OLIVES and ACORNS. Olives and acorns have something in common. The fruits/nuts need to be brined or leeched before eating. Both foods require extensive preparation. Olives have been cultivated for 5,000 to 6,000 years. Acorns were processed by the first Americans—the Indians. At what point did the human decide to start this process and ensured the survival of several continents of beings? I understand walking out of a cave after a forest fire and smelling an elk burning a few feet in front of me and saying, “Hmm barbeque good. Me want barbeque. Me cook barbeque.” And it’s not the same as wine either. Grape juice in a jug left too long equals happy juice. No processing olives and acorns required divine intervention—a whisper as to the recipe.

4.       BABY’S GIGGLE. I hear over and over the miracle of birth, the blessing of a child, and God’s gift. Okay. I know you are happy that you successfully procreated.  Hurrah! In case you did not notice, so does every other species on the planet. Some do it by just splitting apart with no real fanfare. I saw that miracle through a microscope.  You can cut earthworms in half. They regenerate and thrive. That is pretty exciting. No it is not the birth of a human child that is miraculous—noteworthy but not miraculous. It is a baby’s giggle. Have you heard it? Have you seen the child light from within and explode in happiness? There is nothing else like it on this planet. It is unique, special, and as close to God I can get without a burning bush.

5.      GOD. This is the part where you can stop reading, ignore the mad woman, or… God speaks to each of us, all the time, everywhere, and each day. So many times, I have waited for the clap of thunder, parting of the seas, or the vision to show me the next step in my life. But what I have found is that God speaks to me. Most of the time, I am talking, shouting, crying, bitching, and not listening. Once in a great while, when my mouth is shut I hear inside of me a voice that cannot be described as a wave of sound but a light as bright as the beeswax candle that helps me for a moment in my life. How can a sound be light and God? I know it is. It is my faith and what I believe.

What I have learned in 2013

10.  Consumption of sugar, any sugar, leads to over eating, more sugar, and general yuckyness. 

9.  A dog, in puppy mode, will jump in your lap for pets whether he weighs six pounds or fifty.  I have the cracked ribs to prove it. 

8. Dinner in Dublin tastes better with Jameson. Dinner in Sacramento does not. 

7.  I have come to the conclusion that our Congress is completely corrupt.  This revelation comes 105 years after Mark Twain made the same observation. Better late than never. 

6.  If your best friend is a dog, you will miss engaging in stimulating conversation. 

5.  Whatever the balance is in your checking account, it will be the total of the car repair bill plus twenty percent.

4.  If your friends are talking about the beautiful sunny weather and it's the end of the year, plan on water rationing for the next twelve months. 

3.  You cannot debate convictions with an agnostic because he doesn't have any. 

2.  If someone tries to tell you that you are NOT your job title, ignore them. Society judges individual worth on that title. This is not to say that your real value is tied to work. It isn't. Your ego needs to handle to disparity. 

1.  Want to make God laugh tell him your plans. If you want to laugh along with God, write your plans down every New Year, stick them in a envelope, seal and date it.  Each New Year's Day open the envelope that is five years old. Read those plans aloud. Have a chuckle with your Creator. 

Wedding day February 12, 1994

You and I are two small remnants of the same

Old soul

Shredded by God for the eighth day 

Sin

Today we share the differences that make 

Our flesh

Settle now for passion, a glimpse

Of ecstasy

Tomorrow we gather all lost fragments and

Mend

Written for our wedding day. I read it to Paul at our reception.
Kept it hidden until now.

Widowed

I float inside my

Grief-colored bubble

I read Mark 10

Cannot pray

Sing Dante’s Prayer

And remember you

Bubble grows small

Will not weep

This night you come back

Your fingers touch mine

With God all is

At last—sleep

This poem was published in 2012 in Inspire Christian Writers Anthology.