Paul's Stuff

Saturday I started the epic task of going through my-dearly-departed husband’s stuff. A good chunk went to family and friends already. Clothes donated to the Salvation Army. The remaining stuff consisted of things he squirreled away over his lifetime. Most of it I had packed and repacked in our five moves and not yet unpacked from the last.

Two boxes hold every stuffed animal he received since birth to high school graduation. The collection of plush Moose (his nickname) decorates the bookcases in the outbuilding called the dungeon. Five Christmas ornament boxes hold every plastic model airplane, he ever glued. Books, model kits, magazines, thousands of photographs mostly of race cars, souvenirs, every letter anyone ever sent him, disks—computer and music, machine oil, craft paints, brushes drafting pens, slide rules, helmet, sunglasses, and stuff.

The room also holds my books, Champagne glasses from our wedding, and his father’s stuff. I open a letter and read Paul’s moment in time. Hold a book and remember he read aloud a paragraph to me. Many things came from his pre-Pam past but that was only eighteen years. The rest represents our life together.

This is the reason it took me two years to start this process.

There are little piles of stuff all over my kitchen. A pile for his brother, one for his sister, his uncle, my nephew, charity, and a category I like to call I-just-don’t-know. The two recycle bins are full as well as the garbage can.

Mom stopped by and was forced to take a load of books.

Today’s Menu:

Sunday I went to church then took Mom to her Art Reception in Placerville. On the way back, we ate diner food that is not on my diet. Lemon Meringue Pie finished the calorie orgy.  

I should feel bad about the splurge but I don’t.  There are no calories on Sunday. That’s the truth. It’s in the Bible—Genesis, I think.

Death by Raw Chocolate Covered Dates

How innocent? I signed up for Raw Holiday Desserts Class with Chef Stacey—a local raw chef of some renown in Sacramento. My intentions were pure. Take the class, taste the delights, then determine which recipe to make for my cousin’s Thanksgiving feast. Having zero experience in making raw confections, I had no choice but to go this route. You are following the logic. Yes?

So what happened next truly was not my fault.

I arrived exactly on time to the lovely Rancho Cordova home. Greeted by several nice ladies, I signed in and paid my entrance fee. Cucumber-laced pitcher of water and a bowl of celery sticks adorned the foyer table. Picking up a couple sticks, I sat next to a “Cooking with Chef Stacey” veteran. We talked endlessly about raw foods, desserts, evils of tap water, the loss of favor for agave syrup, and the mortality of bees.

Chef Stacey worked the kitchen like Emeril Live with one important difference nothing cooked—a dehydrator replaced the microwave and the Vitamix 5200 Blender replaced about everything else. She made orange-persimmon cheesecake, chocolate-dipped dates with orange-spice almonds, a blueberry-chia tart, and dark chocolate caramel cups. All raw. Stacey hinted we would taste later and that we could take items home. As time ticked by and trays of delights passed my face, I remembered I had not had a dessert in four months, a long time for this former heavy weight. Finally, the chef’s assistant sliced the cheesecake.

A good size piece slapped down onto the china plate, a fork added then passed to the first person in the first row. Several minutes passed before I received my plate. I skipped dinner so that I would not go over my one thousand calorie diet even if I had a bite or two of dessert.

Persimmon is not my favorite fruit. I like the taste not the pucker affects the flesh offers. Still the fruit, nuts, spices, and honey excited long neglected taste buds. My well-intention one bite plan turned into sucking up the cheesecake and scraping the nut crust across the plate into my salivating mouth. Before I could set my fork down, the plate was snatched from my hand and returned with a gooey blueberry tart plopped in the center of the dish. Blueberry. Good. My favorite. In no time at all, I consumed all of the tart. Looking around I found that I was not alone in inhaling the samples. All ten women managed to keep up with the assistant’s refills that included the last two chocolate tastings.

My head started spinning as soon as the first chocolate bite hit my tongue. My temples screamed for a hot cup of coffee to cut the sugar sliding through my stomach. I knew better than to ask for the roasted bean for it is forbidden in the raw world. My suffering continued when one of the guests offered me coconut milk laced with probiotics to “cut the sugar action.” Politely, I accepted the drink and swallowed what tasted like liquid yogurt. Normally that would not have been a problem but having consumed, in less than ten minutes, four servings of honey based desserts, my stomach thought the sour liquid was a cruel joke.

The food orgy continued with offers of samples to be taken home. Ladies pulled Rubbermaid containers from their purses and lined up at the counter to claim the booty. Unprepared for this stage, I stated to no one in particular that I did not have a container and therefore would not be taking home the gifted desserts. A collective gasp came from the crowd. A search was on to find an unclaimed container. I prayed that none would be found as I was having problems feeling my jaw. The lady to my left proudly held a container just for me and the assistant chef filled it. The sugar hit everyone—the once quiet restrained group now giggled, chatted, hugged and gained volume. I begged pardon to leave, stepped out of the house and into the night. Walking seemed as difficult as keeping my stomach at ease. I climbed into the car and sat the plastic box of treats next to me. I actually considered eating one more chocolate. Oh yes, I did consider it. Thankfully, I had enough reason left in my sugar-shocked brain to stop myself.

I drove home. I lived. I gained two-tenths of a pound.

No more dessert classes.

Fasting Failure

I started this Wednesday fast with optimism and faith. Up at 5:15 A.M – dawn, my usual time – I started with house cleaning followed by a delivery of forty-eight boxes from Baxter, the supplier of needed items for my husband’s peritoneal dialysis. After rearranging a few things for the nice delivery guy, I set about dusting and moving furniture around for the new living room chair we purchased Labor Day. A very cute chair, by the way, bought actually the day after the holiday. Mom took us down to the outlet to see the chair she almost bought the day before but had hesitated. I feel in love with it and handed the salesman my American Express while she hymned-and-hawed over the retro mid-century piece. But I digress.

Paul and I headed to the podiatrist after Baxter left. He has an ongoing foot wound from the end of May that keeps reopening. He decided to pick up his insulin and needles at the hospital pharmacy next door. There is a long ramp from where we were located to get to the pharmacy which required Paul to pull on the wheelchair while I pushed. To make a very long story short, we waited two hours and ten minutes to get his $100 bottle of insulin, receiving it only after I demanded to speak to the person in charge. The store ran out of diabetic needles. True. We left with only the insulin.

Five hours after we left home, we got to the parking lot. We were tired, hungry, and frustrated. The car keys were not in my purse. I checked again and again. Leaving Paul in his chair, I dashed back to the pharmacy retracing our steps looking for the keys. I asked each of the nine cashiers at the counter, all of the pharmacists including the supervisor I had slammed earlier and the handful of patrons still left in the place. None had seen the keys. Paul sat patiently by the car. We went through my purse together. I kept sticking my hands in the front pockets of my jeans like the keys would magically appear.

Out of lack of any other option, I called Mom and asked her to come pick us up. If she got us home, I was pretty sure there was a spare key in my junk drawer. Mom had a spare house key. The only other car key was in Paul’s backpack locked in the trunk of the car. Rather than wait, I retraced our steps one more time – a good hike under normal circumstances. Failing to find anything, I returned to the car. As I stepped toward, Paul my hand slipped into my back pocket and found the keys. I showed Paul. He laughed. He said that it has been a long time since I was able to put my hand in my jean’s back pocket. He was right.

After calling Mom and cancelling the emergency pick up, we decided that maybe I should get something to eat. I bought lunch at Mel’s Diner. Paul had a bacon burger and fries. I had a steak, blood-rare.

Great Recipe

I found this recipe in Sunset Magazine, August 2010 edition, page 91. Served cold, it is refreshing tasty and low calorie. Enjoy!

Mexican Tomatillo Avocado Soup
Serves 6, 45 minute prep
1 1/4 lbs. tomatilos, husked and rinsed
1 white onion, finely chopped [I only used 1/2 onion and I used a food processor for the dish]
2 1/2 cups of vegetable broth [I changed the chicken broth to vegetable broth]
1 garlic clove, minced
3/4 English cucumber, peeled, seeded, and finely chopped [I used the cucumber I had in the refrigerator]
2 tblsp lime juice [freshly squeezed]
2 tsp green hot sauce [I increased from tsp to tblsp]
1 1/2 tsp of minced fresh oregano leaves [didn't have this so left it out]
1 avocado chopped [Yum!]
3 tblsp chopped cilantro
1. Chop tomatillos coarsely, Puree half each of the tomatillos, onion, and broth in a blender with garlic. Rub through a fine strainer into a stainless steel bowl; discard contents of strainer. Finely chop remaining tomatillos. Add remaining tomatillos, onion and broth; cucumber, lime juice, hot sauce, and oregano.
to bowl and stir.
2. Nest bowl in ice water; stir often until cold, 15 minutes. Add avocado and cilantro.
Per 1-cup serving 111 calories. 52% (58 cal.) from fat, 3.8 grams protein, 6.5 grams of fat, 12 grams carbo (4.2 grams fiber)58 grams sodium, 10mg cholesterol.

I did it!

One whole day of fasting! I did it. Around 4:00 yesterday, I wasn't sure that I would make it. Drinking lemon water becomes a task rather than a treat after ten hours. I switched to plain water and made it through the day. This morning little hunger and a lot of thrist hit me. I waited an hour before cutting into that beautiful cold watermelon. First juicy bite tasted bitter. I'm not sure if it was bitter or my taste buds are in shock. In a couple hours I will know when I feast again on the melon. Two days of watermelon fasting awaits...

Attempting the Fast

This past month ranks as a practice run for the true diet. Today, I attempt the near-impossible… the fast. My goal is to fast with lemon flavored water today, followed by two days of watermelon to cleanse. The three days of cleansing will, supposedly, jump start my immune system, clean out my urinary tract, and give my half-century old digestive system a much needed holiday. The question is – can I do it?

I prepped. First I visited one of Mom’s friends, Annette, the local sage on raw diets. She graciously invited me into her beautiful home full of handmade crafts so lovely I felt blessed to be there. Her creations included delicately carved emu eggs, woven baskets the size of a robin’s nest, and surprisingly comical beaded pebbles.

She gave me hands-on lessons in sprouting and juicing – two areas in which I am clueless. Annette had stacks of book for me to thumb through and borrow. I picked, The Raw Food Revolution Diet by Cherie Soria, Secrets of Power Juicing, Jack LaLanne, and The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Eating Raw by Mark Reinfeld. Annette's patient instruction in sprouting far surpassed the choppy information found in the Idiot’s Guide. I munched on sprouted sunflower seeds as Annette expounded the virtues of mung bean and hemp seed (legal not the other hemp).

I think sprouting helps your system by increasing helpful enzymes and nutrient intake. Annette says the starch normally found in these seeds change to proteins in the sprouting process -- more digestable and better for you. If it adds a bit of variation in the diet, I will be thrilled. I tire of the same flavors my current faire holds and look forward to some change. Thankfully, the recipes in all three books I read were inspirational. According to these guides you can make most cooked foods in a raw version if you have time, patience, an expensive dehydrator, a good food processor, and money. Okay, I don’t have five of the five but I can see where I can enhance what I am doing with some juices and a few sprouted seeds.

In a way, I feel I have dropped down the rabbit hole. Juicing, fasting, sprouting, dehydrating, raw; all so retro-hippie and not-so-much me but I feel great. I have lost 1.6 pounds this week alone. My stomach muscles are tightening on their own. Honestly, I have never had such daily positive affirmation of a diet change as I do with this one. I find myself dancing for no reason, singing to the dog, and thanking God each time I pick a ripe apple off the backyard tree. I must be doing something right.

One Day Caloric Count = 851

Before my seventy-year-old mom reads this and goes all Ninja on me, let me explain that I have eggs, banana, fish or seared meat about every other day. Today felt like a veggie day so the calorie count came in low. Tomorrow will probably be closer to 1,500 calories. Take a look at the times and you will see I don’t stop eating all day. I am a grazer but now I’m a low calorie grazer. Moo!
Here’s a typical day of my current modified diet plan for Tuesday July 27th.

• Time  + Calories + Food + Nutrition
• 7AM 60, Nectarine A, C, Calcium, Iron, Sugar, Fiber
• 8AM 15, 1 cup Half-Caff Coffee with ¼ c Almond Milk Calcium, A, D, Phosphorus, Magnesium, Manganese
• 9AM 80, 1 slice, Trader Joe’s Sprouted Cinnamon Raisin Bread Protein, Sugar, Fiber, Fat, Iron
• 9AM 10, 1 ½ tsp Vegan Soy Butter Fat, Sodium
• 9AM 40, 2 tsp Organic Honey Carbs/Sugar
• 9:30AM 35, 1 Apricot A, C, Calcium, Iron, Protein
• 11:30AM 63, Juice: Tomato, Lemon, Carrot, Celery, Bell Pepper,Turmeric, Cayenne Pepper, Sea Salt A, C, Calcium, Iron, Protein, Sugar, Sodium
• 1PM 23, ½ cup Jicama A, C, Calcium, Iron, Sugar, Fiber
• 1PM 20, ½ cup Tomato Salsa w/Onions, Spices, Bell Pepper A, C, Calcium, Iron, Protein, Sugar, Sodium
• 4:15PM 35, 1 Apricot A, C, Calcium, Iron, Protein
• 6PM 40, 2 Raw Almonds Fat, Fiber, Protein, Calcium, Iron, Sugar
• 6:30PM 80, ½ sm Grilled Yam with Soy Butter Protein, Fiber, Carb
• 6:30PM 22, ½ cup Green Beans A, C, Calcium, Iron, Fiber, Protein, Sugar, Sodium
• 6:30PM 4, ½ cup Spinach A, C, Calcium, Iron, Sodium, Fiber, Sugar
• 6:30PM 170, 1.5 oz Whole Milk Hard Cheese Fat, Protein, Sugar, A, Calcium, Iron
• 7PM 74, 9 Cherries Sugar, Fiber, Protein, Fat, A, C, Calcium, Iron
• 10PM 80, 1 tbs Organic Peanut Butter Protein, Fat, Calcium, Iron